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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

I'm a Big Fat Lame Train Wreck of a Mess!

     I feel like I am just a T-total mess today.  I just came from my gymnastics lesson/practice, and I had the WORST day there EVER!  I left there feeling like I'm falling apart, and I was holding back the tears. I was NOT going to let anyone see me cry!!!  I am having yet another set back with back flips.  I was doing awesome after the last set if I came back with a vengeance!  However, my fear is once again getting the best of me and stopping me dead in my tracks when it comes to flipping backwards.  This is so FRUSTRATING!!!!!  I KNOW I can do this!  I was doing them practically on my own pretty consistently! All of a sudden, I'm freaking out over it again!  WTH???!!  My coach(Mika), who is awesome BTW, even told me today that I'm sucking so bad today that I probably should cry.  I love how honest she is:)  Before you get all protective and defensive:it was in a context that when she's sucking, it helps her to just let the tears flow, and she thought it may help me as well. She wasn't being a big mean bitch. LOL  After all, she was right.  I was being a big lame baby! I absolutely hate days like this. It makes me so mad at myself!!
Mika also made a valid point about how I'm not feeling good about my body and my fitness right now, which can totally affect my performance in gymnastics.   I've been banned(by my trainer) from cardio for a while, which makes me feel like such a slacker. He has good reason though, and it's for my own good.   I've had a few weeks of being way off track in the diet department.  I've put on weight, and I feel like a big fat cow!!  As of yesterday, I have wrapped my head back around my eating plan, and I'm pretty much back on track. So, I'm sure the extra weight will make its way off my body in short order.  She(Coach Mika) is right though,  all of these factors go hand in hand.  For now, we are going to learn a few other skills instead of focusing so much on the back flip.  I can always go back to it when I'm ready.  It still infuriates me though. I thank God for a coach who is honest with me and understanding, and I'm also so blessed to have her as a friend.  I feel like there's a reason God put her in my life.  I love you, Mika!!  Thanks for being you!  I'm sorry I'm such a baby sometimes.  BTW, your Michael Jackson moves today were awesome:)


Suzanna Hass said...

Thanks for sharing this! It's me with different names inserted but one coach wasn't honest & told me I was right on yet he couldn't dial in my right nutrition & fat packed on. It's true how we can be our biggest critic. Barbie you're an inspiration in many ways & this honest sharing adds one more. Thanks for motivating me! ... Suzanna

Anonymous said...

I stumbled across your site looking at Suzanne Germano's site. The name Barbie rang a bell...I used to use the forums and there was a girl called Barbie using them at the time. Kind of wondered if you and she were the same person. Was about 6-7 years ago now.

Reading your blog is quite an inspiration. I have no physical disability whatsoever, just pre diabetic and gradually gained weight and lost bone mass due to vitamin d deficiency.

Only just getting back at fitness now since correcting those levels. I have days where I just don't feel like I'm getting anywhere and then I read someone else's story and it like a kick in the pants.

Well done for being you despite your set backs. Very inspiring girl.

Barbie said...

I used to be on the forums. So, it could have been me! I haven't been on any of the boards in a while.